I have been thinking a lot about babies lately. Having more babies, being done having babies, not wanting anymore babies, wanting a few more babies, well many just one more baby, other people having babies, being jealous they are still able to have more babies. Not just physically able, but because they dont have 6 already, they still have the 'room' for more babies. And sometime being happy we are not having more, sometimes wanting another one so bad, it hurts.
It is truly turmoil. Why does this still consume me. When I was expecting 6 of 6, I was so done. I knew it. She was born, and I instantly felt I wanted another. I chalked it up to hormones. almost 6 months later, I still feel like 'something' is missing. I count heads when we are out and panic because it seems off.Trent says no woman feels like they are done. But I have heard it does happen. Why can't I have that, and do I really want that. I don't want to be done being pregnant. I want to have more deliveries. I want to have more newborn clothes. I want to rock my new baby to sleep. I want to watch them roll over for the first time.
It is almost mean to send me this sweet spirit for # 6. How was I supposed to not want anymore after this. If she would have had 5 of 6's disposition, I could see myself having many mental health days. If any of you have met #5 and 6, you would know what I mean.
I hope the dust settles. I hope I will feel a definite answer one way or the other. I am so looking forward to the day when they are all in school. All potty trained. Getting married, going on missions, dating. (not in that order...) But am I ready for that now?
6 comments:
Oh man. So interesting to me. Pregnancy and my body don't agree with each other. After our first, both my husband and I agreed we were not going through THAT again :) Even with just the one, I never had that feeling that my family wasn't complete though. Totally opposite of your situation. Makes me chuckle a little. My sister and my mom both had the 'not complete' feelings. We didn't want Piper to be an only child, so we adopted Max. We are good with just the two of them. I could see adopting an older child later in life, maybe. Maybe I just don't love the newborn stage. I need sleep! I always wonder if I would have started having kids earlier if that would have made a difference (I didn't get married until I was 32, so didn't have Piper til I was 35 - kinda got a late start). Now that my sister's kids are teenagers, she's glad she didn't have another... but it took years to come to that conclusion... Whew - that was a long response. Hope you find than inner peace.
For me.....I just knew we were done. When we had our 3rd, I remember feeding him and looking around with a feeling that someone was missing. After the 4th child that feeling NEVER came back! I think it is different for everyone. Good luck!
Lol. I know what you mean. I honestly can't fathom feeling done. I'm on such a roll right now, I feel like I should be pregnant. But then again, I always think how nice it would be to have some older kids to help. Guess I'll figure it out.
I bet you're going to have another kid. Even another Emma would be good. She's a cutie.
That is funny. It has been on my mind today also. My baby is almost 8 and I am not having any more, but o how I loved having babies. I really really loved holding and nursing my little babies. Rick and I argued for 2 years after I had Ammon. I knew there was one more. It was very hard for me to be done. Now I am looking forward to grandbabies!
I love those picts of Eva....I've heard that feeling of "being done" exists but it really is truly up to the individual and what they know they can handle, at least that's my take on it. I can't imagine being done being pregnant, nursing etc but I do know that day will come and it makes me sad now. I know that after I had my second, I wanted another one right away but now that I have two really close in age, I don't feel that at all. I'm glad I'm not pregnant and don't want to do it again for awhile. If we were only meant to have 4, according to hubby then I'm in no rush to get pregnant so that it could all be over. I'd rather wait as long as I can. I know that doesn't help you.... but know that you're not the only one that has this stuff on your mind.
We had always talked about having 5 Children. When Only Son was born, he was number 5 and the only boy so I thought that was a great way to end and yet I knew we were not done. Between miscarriages and other health problems it took almost 3 years to get D5 here. I wondered if those feelings I had felt were real. I questioned alot. After her birth I knew we were done (and then the doctors confirmed that due to health issues I needed to be done.) Everytime she does something for the last time (ie high chair, starting school, getting baptized), I feel a little sad but I am so glad she is here with us.
Oh and by the way--having grown children, while sometimes frustrating, can be so much fun too! (my 20 year old is my best friend- I didn't think that would ever happen 10 years ago)
Sorry long answer. I know you will make the right choice that is best for your family.
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