8 Months

My littlest is 8 months today. She weighs a whopping 13 lbs started crawling at 6 months and is now pulling to a stand. She is one of my easiest babies, and is usually happy. Aside from not sleeping through the night, she's the ideal baby.
I have been reflecting on my past church calling this week. I was just called as the Stake YW Secretary. I had someone come up to me and say ' wow, you and your husband must be doing something right, to have those big callings'. (he's the YM pres). That has made me think a lot about peoples perception of church callings. I once upon a time, entertained the thought, I would be happy if trent were to be called as Bishop. Then he was put in as a counselor. He served there for 3 years. I have never thought that again. I love my husband being home. There are some who are always critical of leadership, and your actions and words are always under a microscope. As a bishop and a bishops wife. I have seen the wives lose relationships over their husbands being called. This person also made the comment when we had a new RS president called, this sister had been the president once (or maybe even twice) before, that they should give other people a chance. I am assuming by "they" she meant the Bishop. There are probably other issues surrounding the question, like if you have a testimony of the Church and the way it is run, there are no callings from the Bishop, they come from the Lord. But on some level I agree. I think everyone should have the opportunity to be the President of an auxillary. It's amazing how much more patients you have for the leaders, when you have spent time in their shoes.
How about those calling no one seems to want. Scouts. Primary. Nursery. I have gotten some odd looks over the past week from voicing my desire to be in the scout program. My neighbor and I have similar last names. We both served in the RS presidency in different capacities, for the past 2 years. We were released in October and given new callings. She was put in as pack meeting leader, and I can say I was a bit disappointed our callings weren't reversed. I even joked that they keep getting our names mixed up. I think callings are all about perception. You can be happy doing anything. Take the sickness factor out of nursery, and I could get really comfortalbe in that calling I once (yes I have done it before) really didn't like. I was a stay at home mom with no car no friends no family near by, with 3 kids under 3 at home. I wish I would have given it a better chance. If I wouldn't have told myself I didn't like it and didn't want to do it, I really think I could have loved it.
When I lived in the 10th ward, I was extended a call to teach the 8-9 yr old kids. I did not want to. One of the girls mom's came up to me before I started teaching and told me I was so lucky, it was such a good group of girls and it was the best calling ever. It made all the difference in the world. Hearing someone love that calling set the tone for the what I was going to make of that calling. I still remember that, and it was 10 years ago. Sometimes one of the hardest things about our callings is the people we serve with. I can tell you a few stories.
I would love to see everyone magnify their calling. And I think where that starts is by 1, knowing where our callings come from. and 2, loving what we are doing. Then tell people about it. When I was called as RS president, I had quite a few people tell me they were sorry. Or when I was called as scout leader, I heard a lot of people tell me they wouldn't accpt a call to do that, or they hated it when they served there.
Stop it.
My new calling will be challenging. With Trent in a youth calling, my 2 oldest there too. 7 other kids. It will be hard to balance. But nothing we haven't done before. AND we both get to go on trek, together.
I know with out a doubt, this is where I am supposed to be. I have had an idea before most of my callings, that I would be realeased form my current calling and then which auxilliary I would be called to. Although it wasn't always clear what capacity, this one was no exception. I am grateful to serve, in whatever capacity i am needed.

I'm Trying.

I am trying really really hard to not get frustrated with things.
Trent working long hrs with out overtime pay because he is salaried.
The fact that I have nothing outside my home.
My back.
Spencer peeing his pants all the time all of the sudden.

I know I just need to get over the small things, and the big things. I really am happy I am able to stay at home with my kids. I wouldn't rather be doing  anything else. But I have moments when my husband gets invited to go back packing or hiking or to Vegas on a business trip, or today to the U game, where I get a little jealous. Because guess what I get to do. The same thing I do every day. Then sometimes he takes older kids, which leaves me with no help or interaction with anyone but 2 yr old kids.
When Trent works long hrs, his home time is shorter and he doesn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. Which is hard because I am here all day with no one to have a conversation with. I talk to my sisters a lot, but it's full of home maker interruptions. On both sides of the conversation.
I was also just diagnosed with an auto immune disease that causes my body to attack the tissues that connect my hips and spine. It's called spondyloarthritis. Sounds like a dinosaur. Bums me out.
And the littlest boy has decided to pee his pants again. 6-7 times a day.
I totally realize these things are temporary. Just little bumps. But when they all happen at once, it brings on a little melancholy. 
I guess I should start posting when things are going well so you don't think I am depressed and down on life all the time. This is just what's going on right now and I decided to pick up the blog again, at the same time.

And I have a cold
Thanksgiving is 3 weeks away, and I have to stop myself from the beginnings of preparing. I love this holiday. I love hosting this holiday. I really do love where I am in life. Even the not so exciting parts. Even the hard depressing parts. I know what I am doing will not cause me, in 40 yrs, to look back and wish I had done something different. I am doing what I am supposed to. 

Fall

I guess it's my turn to update. I have a sister in WA, NV and OR, whom I rarely see, and I dont get on FB as often, so I really have no idea what anyone is doing, and the other way around.
Should I start at the top and work my way down? Or just start where my brain tells me?
First, anyone want to come to my house and help me play the game 'what is that smell'? Serious. I have taken out garbage, compose, and can't pin point anything. But I can smell it.
Second. I need change. I am dying for change. I need something different. I am ready willing and able to move. Trent, not so much. I feel like I am stuck in a rut. I think maybe some of it comes from home life right now. Trent has been working 12 hr days, then coming home exhausted. For 4 months now.( Being salaried makes it so there is no overtime pay. Bites rocks). So, home life is all on me. And with 9 kids, that is hard. I have been almost dreaming about getting a job in the evenings just for a break. A little adult interaction. I don't want to feel this way, but I do. I have littles who are whiny and bigs who want nothing to do with anyone but each other. The 2 oldest are mean to the 3rd, and I am at a loss as to what to do to encourage them to be kind to him. It really makes me sad to see them treat each other like that.
The baby, as beautiful as she is, isn't gaining weight. So I feel bad trying to get her to sleep better at night (she is getting up 2-3 times). Which adds to my funk, you know, being really tired.
Twins are potty trained. Which is so awesome. 1 kid in diapers. There was something awesome about going to costco and not buying 60$ worth of diapers and wipes for the 2 of them.
Our 4th got her palate expander last month. It has already made a difference in her mouth size, she has a little more room in there, but the appliance itself gives her a bit of a lisp. I can't wait to see how it helps after all is said and done. She gets brackets on her front teeth in 3 weeks then they stay for 9 months. The price of that is pretty much the kids swimming lessons through the winter. Then #2 gets braces. I think it's just going to snowball from here on out.
We have had a few school issues with #4, which was one of the reasons I have wanted to move. Utah really has the worst school programs for kids with disabilities. She could really use an aide for some of the day, and there is no money for one.
Everyone else is pretty much the same. Now that Halloween is over we can start planning Thanksgiving, which we will be doing here with my parents. I enjoy staying here and cooking. It really is my favorite holiday. I hope it snows. I am glad the over excitement of Halloween is over, that never helps in the scheme of things. And then there is Christmas. Weeks and weeks of excited littles.

 We have taken a few little trips. We went to Yellowstone twice, which was so much fun, but just intensified my desire to move to Idaho. This was one of our trips, where we stopped at Quake lake, and then drove through Ennis Virginia and Nevada City MT.
Trent ended up with Plantar Fascistic and and was diagnosis with arthritis in my back, which was the reason for my hip pain. But, the medication I was put on, decreased my milk supply, right when the baby was diagnosed as having a failure to thrive. And, she would not take a bottle. It's been an interesting fall. And just because it is life, it has its ups and downs. Highs and lows, and we all survive, and are better for it.

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Little Squeak

I really didn't intend for 3 months to pass. But it happened. Life happens in months now, not weeks. Not days, not hrs or even minutes. Our new little one is growing faster than I am happy with. She's added a new level of hectic. I'm not sure if it is her, or the fact that it is summer and all kids are home, or maybe it is the fact that the twins have decided they want to be naked. So we need to either tape them into diapers, or potty train. The potty training isn;'t going very well. Or maybe it's the fact that Trent gave me his camp and work away from home dates and I have 3 whole weeks with no husband. I was feeling very overwhelmed. Or maybe it'sthe fact that I have 3 huge family things I  am hosting this summer. Or maybe it's the fact that on top of all of that, the money Eva used to qualify for through SSI has been cut down 90%. Anyway, it's been kind of a depressing go around. On the brighter side. Look at that smile. I love this new little Squeak. The other day, it was particilarly loud here and the baby couldn't fall and stay asleep in the swing she slept it. My room doesn't work because I run and that would wake her up, the twins room wouldn't work because they were still were taking naps in there. Which they have since given up. And the other rooms are down stairs so I couldn't hear her if she cried. I picked her up and looked around thinking, where am I going to put this baby. My solution? She now has her very own closet. She has a nice comfy quiet hall closet. She is back to taking 3 hr long naps and sleeping 7 hrs at night.

I Don't Mind the Wait

There are no pictures. I don't have a cord to put the pictures from my camera to my computer. I can figure out how to put the pictures from my phone to my computer. Well, I probably could. But I don't want to. I am feeling like a slug lately. Doesn't everyone at 37 weeks?What is this nesting thing I have heard about?Well, I nested before. With baby number 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and even a little with the twins. This time, it is all I can do to keep things cleaned up behind 5 6 7 and 8. Funny thing is, I am usually dying to have a baby by this time. I have no desire to bring a baby home right now.
1, little kids are sick. EVERYONE is sick at church, and if everyone is sick there, schools are filled with sickness. No thank you. I know 3 families who have had shildren hospitalized with RSV in the past week.
2. I don't want to wash stuff. I still don't have baby clothes or a car seat out.
3. having a baby here, is a little scary. Most likely we will have bili lights, and daily bili checks. We've had reflux more than our fair share of times. And with reflux, comes colic.
4. There is a good chance we will also have orthopedics appts along with everything else. US #1 tech said yes club foot, dr said no. US #2 tech said yes club feet dr said no. US #3, yesterday tech said yes club foot, dr said no. And we still haven't gotten a look at her face. What about her cleft? There is too many unknowns. On the plus side, her heart looks perfect.

There are a few reasons I am excited. I LOVE having a baby. Heck, you'd think so, I have almost 9 of them. I am excited to meet her. I have also been doing pretty well on my GD diet. She measured 7 lbs 4 oz yesterday. And is finally sitting in the right position, head down facing back. Now, stay.
I found out my midwife has a due date almost a full week past where I think I am and where my LMP puts me. And almost a full week past where this last US put the baby.  Since she won't induce me until 39 weeks, (which puts me at 40 weeks) I will most likely be having this baby on my own. Which I haven't done since #1. I am a little nervous, my labors are quick. But I am GBS negative, so I won't need antibiotics. I feel a little better about just showing up in time to deliver. Trent wants to schedule this. I don't blame him. Knowing is nice. It's easier. And it doesn't require waking any one up in the middle of the night to watch 8 other kids. I would rather not be hooked up to anything this time around. My midwife has agreed to break my water if it comes to an induction. They usually don't want a mom with 'advanced maternal age' and diabetes to go past 39 weeks.
Maybe we'll get lucky and labor ill start on it's own at 38 weeks. I guess no one knows. It truly is one of those things you can't rush or predict. Though heaven knows I have tried.

Hey, found a picture. She is her father's daughter.

This Dream

I keep having this dream. It happens every few weeks. The idea and setting are the same, the only thing that is different is place the plane crashes. I am always at home with my whole family here, and I am looking out my back window. I am watching this airplane come towards my house and I am thinking "what do I do, there is nothing I can do". So I just stand there. At the last second it veers east and hits the grocery store parking lot. My house gets pummeled with burning debris and I have a few minutes to run frantically locating everyone, and getting everyone out of the house. This time I looked out of the babies window, and there were already truck backed into my yard picking up the debris. One of the men on this crew looked at me and asked me if I was going to go put that fire out because their job was clean up, not fire fighting, so they couldn't clean it up until it wasn't on fire. I ask him if it was a gas tank and wasn't it going to explode, and he replied 'well, you better hurry then'. The whole time I am assessing damage to see if we could still live in the house, because I am not moving back in with my parents. (that whole part is a little comical to me. My house would have to be hit be an airplane to have to move in with family. Of any sort)
My kids always end up okay, even though the babies room has been hit in a few dreams. Sometimes I am able to get my kids together as the plane is crashing, and we get into the basement. (that must be my safe place because that's were we hold up in case of a zombie apocalypse  too.)
Last night, my final thought as I was waking up....... maybe I can get a new house out of this. Maybe these dreams are about still not having the main parts of my house finished, and just wanting to get out of it. A little extreme? maybe.

This are going pretty normally around here. If you haven't heard yet, we are having a girl in march. I am tired and my joints are stiff. But, I am old. And tired. And pregnant.
My in laws sold there house of 30 + years. Kind of huge.
We just go on from day to day. Nothing too exciting. Which is prefect. Our ward split a few months ago. Which caused me to be released from RS President, and Trent called as YM's president in our new ward. I kind of miss it. I liked having something important to do. Well, important out side of the house. And then, I don't miss it.
Trent is registered to start school in January, which I am so excited about. It's time.

Doritos

I hate them. They are on that list of foods, only kids will eat. Like Twinkies, Cheetos, marshmallows, any sugar cereal, hotdogs, fast food, suckers, Sweethearts, Necco wafers, fruit snacks. Okay, in a pinch, these things can be consumed by adults, oh I just remembered Velveeta, but not enjoyed. Or, on a trip, as in car food. Why do I even bring this up? My kids are on a Doritos kick. And, I have to admit, I like those Chili Limon ones. What I don't like is what we used to refer to as Cheeto herpes. You know that orange stuff left behind on your hand after eating a few. The desert part of the childhood Cheeto consumption? As a parent, I  hate the stuff. It's on the wall, it's on the couches, it's on the shirts, because after the fingers are licked, they are then wiped down the front of the clothes, or if mom is watching, on the shorts. And, because they are into the chili limon flavor, it's bright red.