We decided last night to move the kids seats around in the car. We didn't realize by doing this we would be disturbing the pecking order in the house. We told them all where to sit when we bought the car with the promise of a rearrangement the next month. Well, 5 months later we did it. And man, what a catastrophe. It was almost as bad as making them sit some where else for dinner. And for some reason, the one who "looses" is the one that ends up sitting next to 4 of 5. I can understand. If you sit next to her in the car, you have to buckle her ( I know we are so mean) which is why we are moving them around. We want to promote them helping her. Right now we get zero participation when it comes to her. When you sit next to her at dinner, you end up with her food on your plate and her sitting so close, she's practically on you lap.I have seen other families where the kids come see what the problem is when the younger sibling cries. Why don't my kids do that? Or offer to help get one of them dressed in the morning. Or pour them a bowl of cereal because they are sitting right there. Is it because I have always done everything for them, so there was never a need for them to help, so now it's a burden? Anyway, I think it's important for them to learn how to help one another, with out the fight.
So back to seat rearrangement. 1 of 5 acted like we had just taken all of her most precious things and smashed them. Have you ever seen a 9 yr old temper tantrum. Not cool. DO we force her to be nice, helpful, considerate to her little sister? Is that too much to ask from a kid that age? If 2 of 5 got that seat, it would have been the same fight. And 3 of 5 just spent the last 5 months there, so he was used to it, so it wasn't a battle. Any suggestions on how to get the kids to be more helpful? Or is that one of those things they are either born with, or not. Or you start when they are 2, or it doesn't happen? How do you promote kindness, consideration, and usefulness in your home?
Or am I just blowing things way out of proportion, and this is just normal?
5 comments:
Yep still haven't figured that one out yet. So let me know if you do. I want to say it is just natural, for their generation. But I sometimes think that is a cop out. The kids I see today (or rather teenagers) have an attitude of "I deserve this, I should not have to WORK for it".
I think when it comes to doing new things kids always throw a tantrum. But if you just stick to your guns and make them do it for a while they realize you are not going to back down and they give up.
Bowen is the worst at this it is always a battle with him, but when he finally realizes I am not going to give in, he is my best helper.
I have the same problem in my home. No one wants to sit next to Morgan in the car because she likes to hit them and pull their hair when she is bored. Unfortunately we have 6 kids and 6 seats in the back so someone has to sit by her. We usually rotate who sits next to her (like on road trips) every few hours. My kids also tend to ignore a sibling when they are hurt or crying. I don't get it either. I buckle up Morgan in her carseat because it is just easier for me but whoever is sitting next to Griffin get the duty of making sure he gets his carseat all buckled up. So I guess I don't have any suggestions for you...just empathy!:)
I really think it is normal, but like you I feel like I have always catered to much and now they just expect not to help. I do notice mine helping eachother when they aren't asked, it just seems like a chore if I do ask.
You'll see they will turn out incredible people. We learn through example and you and your hubby are good examples don't stress.
word verif: plogini (noun): Its what make the toilet not flush so you have to use an "unclogi" (see my blog)
Well, my kids are the same way. Not sure if that means normal or not. I am desperately looking for "unprompted kindness" but it rarely happens.
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