Finding Balance

Can you believe these babies are 6 months? And an absolute joy. I honestly have not one complaint about the type of baby they are. They are even sleeping most of the night. He's happy and full of energy, she's mellow and relaxed.
I have been full of thoughts about balance lately. In my effort to not screw this parenting thing up, I have found most of parenting is about balance. I worry about not finding it.
My visiting teaching companion and a few of the women we vt, have adult children living at home. Heck, 2 of my brother in laws live at home. The thought of having my kids live at home when they are 20 30 and 40, makes me want to keel over at 50. (kidding) But it has made me think alot about making sure our children are comfortable on their own. That they can struggle with out running back home. That they can do with out the worldly things in order to live on their own. And most of all, not WANT to live with their mom. My struggle is this. Am I teaching them to think for themselves and be independent, or am I just being lazy, when I make them clean their room, help care for younger siblings, take out the trash, do dinner dishes. AM I being nurturing by coddling them? Or am I crippling them, and making 'home' seem like a soft place to go when the world is too harsh. I really would like my children to be able to take care of their family, and use coming home as a last resort. My friend's youngest came home because they didn't make enough money to have the clothes and life style they wanted, and pay rent, so she let them move back in. That was 3 years ago.
When I was 17, my dad moved away, and told me I wasn't coming with him (I totally deserved that). So I had no choice other than find a place to live and support myself. I squatted in my dad's empty house for a few weeks while I waited for my older brother to come pick me up and got a job and moved in with him. When I quit my job I found a new one, lived on ramen and cereal, and bought my clothes from thrift stores. I would have never considered moving back home. All of my siblings have done the same thing. Accept for 2 sisters who briefly while single needed a little help between things, moved in with my mom. Which was really more of a roommate situation. my parents/dad, raise very independent children. BUT, I also know that they rarely knew where we were or what we were doing. We were always over at someone elses house, or running the neighborhood. How do I get the independent kids, and still keep pretty close tabs on them.
I know most of these things I don't need to worry about right now. But, now is when I need the guidance to find balance. Do I put all of my Christmas decorations out, and spend the next 4 weeks yelling at them not to touch (#6) so the fragile ornaments don't get broken? Do I keep them put away and never give them a chance to learn how to treat nice things? I would LOVE new couches, but I would be a basket case, if we spent money on them only to have them ruined. But, they would learn respect for things in the process. Do they help take care of younger siblings, so they cna learn what it's like to take care of children? Or is that just putting my responsibility on them?
Maybe I am just going about this all wrong. Maybe having adult children at home isn't as bad as I think.
#4 is another area I need to find balance with. We have rules, every family does. #4 just goes and does. She know most of the time what she is allowed to do, and not allowed to do. At home. Those rules fly out the window when we are away from home. But, if she sees something she wants to do, she just does. How do we discipline a child that has no idea of yours and mine, right and wrong, when she doesn't get cause and effect. This has been and probably will be the greatest trial. A child unable to grasp the concepts people just expect others to have. Part of me thinks, why bother, she's not going to get it. How do I make it so my children don't think she a huge burden, because she takes so much more energy and supervision.
I also need to find the balance between being a mom and a wife. I feel like I need to be everything to everybody. Is that even possible. Even when I do my very best, I fall short on both sides. And that wears me out. I know it's there, that balance, hopefully my family is patient with me as I find it.
With all this on my plate, I still feel like my life is absolutely perfect. I wouldn't change one thing about it. it's hard, my house is a mess, my nerves are frayed and I want to fall alseep at 7:30. But I like it.

A new busy

Fresh snow brings the neighborhood to our house. We have a decent size yard, and all that unmolested snow is very appealing to the kids. They build snow forts and hills. And we pummel each other with snow balls until someone surrenders. (this is why I run, so I don't surrender first)
Poor #7. He is out growing the swing I guess. I watched him swing like this for an hr, sound asleep.
#1-7. Trent can't bring out his tablet with out all the kids wanting to watch.

It's amazing what this many people in a house does. I should take a picture of my laundry pile. Or the kitchen after a meal. 15 years ago, not even 15, but even 5 years ago, I would have never guessed I would be here. My babies are at a horrible stage right now where both are up screaming until 1-2 in the morning. They keep each other up, and they keep me up. It has been so hard. I am exhausted, beyond tired. I'm hoping this passes soon. Get those teeth, or get back on your good schedule.

Halloween

So, one of my least favorite holidays is Halloween. I don't dislike it enough to object to my kids participating, but it kind of a non-holiday to me. Growing up, I lived in Vegas where Halloween was the same day as Nevada Day. It surprised me when I moved to UT and everyone worked and went to school on Halloween. Poor suckers.
My kids are wound up for weeks leading up, and with this Trunk or treat thing the do in UT, it gives you 2 loads of candy to have in your house after. When my kids were little, we would buy a few bag of candy to take to T or T, then use the kids candy for trick or treaters. We can't do that with older kids, they count their candy. And, living in the house, we never get more than 2 or 3 trick or treaters any way.
#8 in her costume
3 of the other kids...... No, #1 did not go. She didn't want to dress up or say trick or treat, so I let her help with the little girls then have access to their candy.
Our pumpkin theme was Angry Birds. They turned out pretty well if I do say so.

for the T or T my 2 littlest ones went as each other. A few people thought that was mean.
I let the older kids carve their own. Which was nice, usually I do every thing from coming up with the idea, to drawing them, to carving them. They always clean their own.

Meal Time Help.

I am in need of recipes. It seems that with the growth of my family, my meal time prep also grew. Dinner time is now about a 2 hr extravaganza. From preparation, to consumption to completion. I don't want to spend that long making food. It's way less if I do a crock pot in the morning, which I do a lot of in the winter. My family won't eat food out of a box, so that make meals take that much longer. I'm not complaining about that. I'm not a fan of them my self. And the only time I can open a can, is if I filled it in the first place. Well, I have a few recipes that call for a canned soup or chili but only a handful. So, pick your favorite 2, and send them over. We like meatloaf type things too. I would love to start my recipe posts again, and would like a few new recipes for that too.

What We Did This Weekend

We went to Lake Powell for UEA. Jus t a quick there and back trip. But it was so nice. Everyone got a long. The older kids played with the younger kids, and were nice to each other. It wasn't too cold or hot and on the way back we drove through Capitol Reef NP. We decided that is where we'll spend next UEA. (tje picture above is of # 6 after she fell asleep with a cookie in her mouth)

Self-Esteem

I couldn't find any pictures to go along with my post, so I'll just add a few from my October 2011 folder.

We don't have an antenna to watch network TV, so conference and Sponge Bob come from the computer. Hence all of the pictures of kids in front of them. And no, this only takes up about an hr of our day, here and there. I can't get them to sit for longer than that.
#8 watching conference.
And this beauty came from scouts. It was a trust excersize where 2 was blind folded and following the directions of another 10 yr old scout. Lesson-1. never trust a 10 yr old boy. 2-never run blind folded with out having your arms out in front of you. 3- listen closer to the directions.

So I have been thinking a lot about self-esteem lately. It isn't something I have thought much about since my early 20's.
I was the type, to always compare myself to others. I wanted to be as skinny as her, or have a husband who made as much as hers. Or be crafty like them. The more I worried about what others had or did the unhappier I was. The same went for worrying about what others thought of me. It made me unhappy when people didn't like me. I based my self worth, on how other people saw me. Or how I thought others saw me. I wanted to look different and be a different person, so others would think better of me. Kind of conceited, to think anyone noticed what I was doing. Chances are pretty good, the only other people who were worried about what I was doing, were the ones comparing themselves to me, just like I was doing to them.
I think the same thing goes for the way we look. We were put together exactly as we were meant to be.
I was called to be a teacher in Relief Society, and I am giving my first lesson on Sunday. It is on the post mortal existence. The part that has gotten me thinking about this whole self esteem self image thing, was the part about taking our addictions and thought processes and mind sets, with us when we go. I always thought that pertained to people that had addictions or didn't like certain things like, a dislike for a certain food. No big deal, we'll over come those things here and not have to worry about them later. It's easier here, right? But, it also means we take how we feel about our selves. What happens if we decide we don't like our nose? What happens if we don't like it and get it fixed. We are getting our bodies back after the resurrection, and I can bet, it won't be the nose that plastic surgeon gave us. How are we going to feel about that? The same way we did here?
I am in no way perfect, as a matter of fact, I have a lot of features that by world standards are not beautiful. But, I am happy. I am happy with who I am, even with the neck I inherited from my grandmother. As a matter of fact, I never even noticed it, until family members started pointing it out. The worst part about that? Then I started noticing the eyelids, my family hates, on my kids. The eyes I love, and think are perfect.
Chances are, nobody else cares what you look like. Except the people, who are picking themselves apart and comparing themselves to you. Chances are, as soon as you quit noticing things about other people that aren't perfect, you will worry less about people think of you. You will worry less about not having that perfect by the worlds standard, whatever. Those people who are confident, and happy are that way because they have gotten to a place in there life where they don't look at what they are not, or what they don't have. And don't worry about what the world thinks they should look like or dress like or act like or drive or live in. One of the perks of that, we don't end up spending our selves into oblivion, trying to keep up.
You are who you are supposed to be. Every one gets old, gains weight, looses hair, goes grey. It's okay. It's what happens. To all of us. Embrace who you are.

Checking in

I find myself praying a lot these days for guidance. I am moving at the speed of light, and if I dont have help, I will probably miss something important. Some lesson I need to learn, or I need to be there for when my kids learn. There are not enough hours of the day to get done what needs to be done, and keep my house clean. I have a 2 yr old who still wants to be the baby, and get the kind of attention my 2 babies get. I have a 3 yr old who wants to be in school, and be learning and not at home with a mom that is busy with babies. A 6 yr old despite all of her best intentions, still wants to breath and kiss all over the babies when she has a cold. Also, has a ton of dental problems lately. An 8 yr old who thinks that he has the most miserable life ever, all because of something someone else has done to him. And despite my best efforts to teach him, we have control over how we react, and let people make us feel, he thinks his life is the most miserable picked on existence in the history of man. I understand this will be a lesson, he will probably learn on his own, later in life. How do I make sure he has the tools to learn that lesson when it's time. I also have a 10 yr old who wants nothing to do with anything, unless it's Nintendo, or playing with friends. I totally get that, who wouldn't want to play all day long. But that is not what life is. If you want money for that new whatever, you have to work. And do a good job. I also have an 11 yr old daughter. nuff said. I really have no worries about her, other than she is just at a pivotal point in her life right now. SO as you can see. I have a lot on my well worn plate. Nothing major right now, but I feel like we are all at a point where everyone has important things going on. Things that I need to have Him help me guide my children through. Things that they need to be aware of His love for them, for. And it is my job to make sure they know where they can turn and make sure they know they are loved and important. I feel the heavy weight of being a parent to children being raised in these days.
I pray daily for the guidance to do the right thing. Say the right words. Be in the right place. And know my children. And still be the mom they will remember, who did fun things with them. Taught them how to be a homemaker. And taught my sons how to help and treat their wives the right way. Trent is like that. If my sons turn out like their dad, and his brothers. We will have done our jobs. They love their wives (those that are married) and they love the Lord.
I know I need to cram fun stuff in there too. My girls LOVE when I make them clothes.
They Love their babies too.