Finding Balance

Can you believe these babies are 6 months? And an absolute joy. I honestly have not one complaint about the type of baby they are. They are even sleeping most of the night. He's happy and full of energy, she's mellow and relaxed.
I have been full of thoughts about balance lately. In my effort to not screw this parenting thing up, I have found most of parenting is about balance. I worry about not finding it.
My visiting teaching companion and a few of the women we vt, have adult children living at home. Heck, 2 of my brother in laws live at home. The thought of having my kids live at home when they are 20 30 and 40, makes me want to keel over at 50. (kidding) But it has made me think alot about making sure our children are comfortable on their own. That they can struggle with out running back home. That they can do with out the worldly things in order to live on their own. And most of all, not WANT to live with their mom. My struggle is this. Am I teaching them to think for themselves and be independent, or am I just being lazy, when I make them clean their room, help care for younger siblings, take out the trash, do dinner dishes. AM I being nurturing by coddling them? Or am I crippling them, and making 'home' seem like a soft place to go when the world is too harsh. I really would like my children to be able to take care of their family, and use coming home as a last resort. My friend's youngest came home because they didn't make enough money to have the clothes and life style they wanted, and pay rent, so she let them move back in. That was 3 years ago.
When I was 17, my dad moved away, and told me I wasn't coming with him (I totally deserved that). So I had no choice other than find a place to live and support myself. I squatted in my dad's empty house for a few weeks while I waited for my older brother to come pick me up and got a job and moved in with him. When I quit my job I found a new one, lived on ramen and cereal, and bought my clothes from thrift stores. I would have never considered moving back home. All of my siblings have done the same thing. Accept for 2 sisters who briefly while single needed a little help between things, moved in with my mom. Which was really more of a roommate situation. my parents/dad, raise very independent children. BUT, I also know that they rarely knew where we were or what we were doing. We were always over at someone elses house, or running the neighborhood. How do I get the independent kids, and still keep pretty close tabs on them.
I know most of these things I don't need to worry about right now. But, now is when I need the guidance to find balance. Do I put all of my Christmas decorations out, and spend the next 4 weeks yelling at them not to touch (#6) so the fragile ornaments don't get broken? Do I keep them put away and never give them a chance to learn how to treat nice things? I would LOVE new couches, but I would be a basket case, if we spent money on them only to have them ruined. But, they would learn respect for things in the process. Do they help take care of younger siblings, so they cna learn what it's like to take care of children? Or is that just putting my responsibility on them?
Maybe I am just going about this all wrong. Maybe having adult children at home isn't as bad as I think.
#4 is another area I need to find balance with. We have rules, every family does. #4 just goes and does. She know most of the time what she is allowed to do, and not allowed to do. At home. Those rules fly out the window when we are away from home. But, if she sees something she wants to do, she just does. How do we discipline a child that has no idea of yours and mine, right and wrong, when she doesn't get cause and effect. This has been and probably will be the greatest trial. A child unable to grasp the concepts people just expect others to have. Part of me thinks, why bother, she's not going to get it. How do I make it so my children don't think she a huge burden, because she takes so much more energy and supervision.
I also need to find the balance between being a mom and a wife. I feel like I need to be everything to everybody. Is that even possible. Even when I do my very best, I fall short on both sides. And that wears me out. I know it's there, that balance, hopefully my family is patient with me as I find it.
With all this on my plate, I still feel like my life is absolutely perfect. I wouldn't change one thing about it. it's hard, my house is a mess, my nerves are frayed and I want to fall alseep at 7:30. But I like it.